Alright I've done the negative post. I love my son dearly but I must admit, at times, I just can't get through to him. There is always something going on, some new drama. It feels like somebody up there thinks I need to to be tested, just to see if I can stand it. "Hmmmm...wonder if this one wil break her?"
Not yet, Not yet. Not ever.
Anyway, despite the craziness of my life here I've found some sanity. I've found a place to go where I don't feel stressed, I feel comfortable, happy, safe and most of all hopeful. It's not really a place at all it's a man I've been spending time with. I like him and he's made me see just how guarded and distrustful I have been of letting anyone in for so long. I didn't even see I was like that.
I can feel my barriers dropping little by little the more I see him. If he reads this I hope he figures out who I am talking about. He makes me laugh and he makes me feel like maybe I do matter and maybe I'm not really crazy after all. I really enjoy spending our Sundays together but now Sundays are sarting to feel too short and too far apart.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Trying hard to be positive for both of us!
I wanted to feel good and only post happy stuff. But what do you do when you are worried about your only child? How do you get them to be positive when you suspect they might be suffering depression? In the past two weeks my son has been dumped by his girlfriend and then kicked out of school for non attendance. Non attendance, because he couldn't sleep at night and then couldn't wake up in the mornings.
He thinks he's a loser, I tell him he's not. How many kids at his school lost a parent? Ok Step parent, but still someone who had lived with him for most of his life. Our home life was so complicated, ugly and "walking on egg shells" for the last year or so before Darren died. How do you deal with your feelings? How confusing for a teenage boy who is almost an adult?
Not really what I meant to talk about but it is something that is really bothering me. It's tough working out yourself as well as your child. It's tough being strong and in control of yourself as well as your child.
I'll just do as I say I will, I'll back him up no matter what, I'll always love him, I'll take the time to listen to him and I will always be here when he needs me. I tell him we'll work this out and I know somehow, we bloody well will. Don't know how yet, but I am very positive.
He thinks he's a loser, I tell him he's not. How many kids at his school lost a parent? Ok Step parent, but still someone who had lived with him for most of his life. Our home life was so complicated, ugly and "walking on egg shells" for the last year or so before Darren died. How do you deal with your feelings? How confusing for a teenage boy who is almost an adult?
Not really what I meant to talk about but it is something that is really bothering me. It's tough working out yourself as well as your child. It's tough being strong and in control of yourself as well as your child.
I'll just do as I say I will, I'll back him up no matter what, I'll always love him, I'll take the time to listen to him and I will always be here when he needs me. I tell him we'll work this out and I know somehow, we bloody well will. Don't know how yet, but I am very positive.
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