Disheartened

I probably shouldn't blog right now because I'm not feeling very positive tonight. I have the house to myself and I just feel depressed. I'm pushing myself to sell my house, but it feels like two steps forward and one step back every time. I just want it on the market, but it feels like every time one thing is fixed, there is another thing that needs doing (thanks to my son for some of it).

I started so motivated, now I'm struggling to find the energy. I need out NOW! I don't know where I'll go, the property 3 suburbs away is not far enough away. One lady I worked with said I needed to move to the moon. That sounds pretty good tonight.

I am so disheartened, I just want to put my head in my hands and admit defeat. I am tired of never having a moments rest, work is getting busy and most days I never know what to expect when I get home. That's it, I am mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm really wondering where I'll find the resources in me to keep doing this.

OK, pity party over, tomorrows another day, I know I'll get up, put one foot in front of the other and remember to breathe. Just keep reminding yourself Dayelle one thing at a time. I know I have a great support network of people I can call on so I think now is the time to ask for HELP!

I need to remind myself that this will pass, there are good things in my life. I have a man who loves me (despite all the crap going on) I have good friends, I'm employed and actually enjoy the group I work with, they're like family to me. I own my home, I am not in debt and I own a car that I get so much pleasure out of driving. My new car that my counsellor said was a positive step when I bought it! So I know there are more positives in my life than negatives but sometimes it's hard to see that.

I did want to add two pictures that made me laugh tonight, but I have no idea where they have gone!!


Oops, well look at that!!!! There they are!!!!!

The closet skeletons let loose

I haven't written here for quite a while, so here I go. I read an article today that said you should be careful about what you put in your blog, it might come back to bite you. I figure that's not an issue for me because the truth doesn't bite, in my case it already has, and now it's history.

I know I've talked about living on eggshells when Darren was alive, I've glossed over how really awful it was for my son and I, it's been a secret I couldn't tell anyone. It was something that changed both of us and, unfortunately, will always be a part of our history. I lived in a world where I got used to walking away from hearing how useless and not worth a pinch of shit I was. Don't fight, just walk away, no point, switch off and hope to hell tomorrow's better.

I knew one day there would be a time I'd have to confess, I'd have to explain the person I'd become, scared, untrusting and literally terrified of showing my true feelings. I lived in self preservation mode for so long, not by choice but out of necessity, I didn't realise how much of a shell I'd grown. Actually, to be honest I did know, but there was never a reason to crack that shell.

I believe everything happens for a reason and what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. I'm still standing and I will be for a long time yet, I've got too many things to do, places to go and people to meet. I am worth it!

Now I've met someone I care about and love, and I've always worried how I'd be perceived when the time for confession came. I feel like I've let the skeletons out of the closet and I'm not sure what they'll do. (I guess if they really piss me off I can stuff them back in the closet and padlock it!)

OK Elismerem én ne csak szeretni,Rob, én vagyok a szerelem! Én már azt akarta mondani az elmúlt néhány hét de éppen nem lehet megszerezni a ". Így itt az én blog, itt akart a frissítés, itt egyenes a szívet, és ki nem a világháló.