I haven't written here for quite a while, so here I go. I read an article today that said you should be careful about what you put in your blog, it might come back to bite you. I figure that's not an issue for me because the truth doesn't bite, in my case it already has, and now it's history.
I know I've talked about living on eggshells when Darren was alive, I've glossed over how really awful it was for my son and I, it's been a secret I couldn't tell anyone. It was something that changed both of us and, unfortunately, will always be a part of our history. I lived in a world where I got used to walking away from hearing how useless and not worth a pinch of shit I was. Don't fight, just walk away, no point, switch off and hope to hell tomorrow's better.
I knew one day there would be a time I'd have to confess, I'd have to explain the person I'd become, scared, untrusting and literally terrified of showing my true feelings. I lived in self preservation mode for so long, not by choice but out of necessity, I didn't realise how much of a shell I'd grown. Actually, to be honest I did know, but there was never a reason to crack that shell.
I believe everything happens for a reason and what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. I'm still standing and I will be for a long time yet, I've got too many things to do, places to go and people to meet. I am worth it!
Now I've met someone I care about and love, and I've always worried how I'd be perceived when the time for confession came. I feel like I've let the skeletons out of the closet and I'm not sure what they'll do. (I guess if they really piss me off I can stuff them back in the closet and padlock it!)
OK Elismerem én ne csak szeretni,Rob, én vagyok a szerelem! Én már azt akarta mondani az elmúlt néhány hét de éppen nem lehet megszerezni a ". Így itt az én blog, itt akart a frissítés, itt egyenes a szívet, és ki nem a világháló.
I know I've talked about living on eggshells when Darren was alive, I've glossed over how really awful it was for my son and I, it's been a secret I couldn't tell anyone. It was something that changed both of us and, unfortunately, will always be a part of our history. I lived in a world where I got used to walking away from hearing how useless and not worth a pinch of shit I was. Don't fight, just walk away, no point, switch off and hope to hell tomorrow's better.
I knew one day there would be a time I'd have to confess, I'd have to explain the person I'd become, scared, untrusting and literally terrified of showing my true feelings. I lived in self preservation mode for so long, not by choice but out of necessity, I didn't realise how much of a shell I'd grown. Actually, to be honest I did know, but there was never a reason to crack that shell.
I believe everything happens for a reason and what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. I'm still standing and I will be for a long time yet, I've got too many things to do, places to go and people to meet. I am worth it!
Now I've met someone I care about and love, and I've always worried how I'd be perceived when the time for confession came. I feel like I've let the skeletons out of the closet and I'm not sure what they'll do. (I guess if they really piss me off I can stuff them back in the closet and padlock it!)
OK Elismerem én ne csak szeretni,Rob, én vagyok a szerelem! Én már azt akarta mondani az elmúlt néhány hét de éppen nem lehet megszerezni a ". Így itt az én blog, itt akart a frissítés, itt egyenes a szívet, és ki nem a világháló.
2 comments:
I haven't been through exactly the same thing, but I do know about secrets. It can feel very freeing to tell the secret, like removing a chain around your leg. On the other hand, the new-found freedom can feel a bit wobbly, at least to me. So I hope you feel more free than wobbly.
((HUG))
By the way, what language is that at the bottom of the post?
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