Slap me now! Am I for real?!

I'm sitting here looking on the Internet for a St Joseph's statue. I am not even remotely Catholic. I have been told by quite a few people that, if you bury a St Joseph statue upside down facing away from your house, the house will sell. I wondered how Joseph's son would feel about that. I bet Jesus didn't know his Dad would become the patron saint of house selling.

OK, my weird sense of humour. I'll try and post some pictures. Do I buy the plastic, the ceramic or life like coloured St Joseph? How tall should he be? Four, eight or ten inches? Does the bigger and more colourful one make the sale happen quicker? That's when I thought I might need a reality check. What am I doing looking or even thinking that it will work?

My son is still away with his Dad. He wants to come home in March. I want him home. The only problem is I have worked so hard and put so much money into getting the house on the market, I know it would be a mistake. I can't afford more holes in my walls, I can't afford for the kids to start coming here everyday again. I can't even contemplate him being back in the environment he was in. Not with me but the people he was hanging around with. I know for a fact my son is not strong enough to stop our home invasion or say No to drugs.

His Dad told him that I needed to sort myself out before he came back. Sort myself out? I'm fine, it's our son that needs sorting out. His Dad is happy to have him but made me tell him that it is now my decision that he stays there. Nice hand ball! Of course now my son hates me, he is angry with me (again). I cannot talk to him, we butt heads, we go around in circles. I'm a fuck wit and only care about me. That is so far from the truth it's almost funny. If anything I rarely think about me, he has always come first. After nearly 18 years it's a hard habit to break.

My son needs his father now. He needs the male role model who won't take any crap. I couldn't do it. I tried my best but lost control. I did my best with our son for 16 years, he keeps bringing up the fact that if his parents had stayed together we wouldn't be where we are now. Maybe true but nothing can be done to change the past so we deal with the present and future. Water under bridge long ago, it's in the past. I am not a malicious person but I can't help but feel it's time his father stood up and took on his responsibility as his Dad. Up until now it's been me, through thick and thin. Now I'd like to share the love. Welcome to my life.

I know in my heart this is the right decision, no doubts. This is not the time for him to return, for his own sake. I need to sell and make the move before he has any opportunity to go back to his old habits. I don't know if I have said this before but tough love is tough, on the parent! I told my son he is in a better place at the moment, look at the bigger picture, just not what is happening right now.

And just to top it off work, which has been stress free for so long, has decided to up the ante. I won't go into it but I'm definitely working for the bucks of a manager's wage at the moment! I never stress about work when I come home, haven't for years. Now it feels a bit like payback time, because tonight I am stressed.

I am so content with my life in so many areas. I know who I am, I have a plan, I know where I am going. I feel comfortable in my skin again, not like I want to jump out of it. I actually like me!

Anyway, back to searching for St Joseph statues and I must remember to take a cutting of my jade plant to take with me when I move. Apparently it brings you money if you have a jade plant. Me superstitious? You betcha! Whatever works I say.

P.S (St Joseph wouldn't co-operate so here are some other pictures that fit with the heading - sort of!)