My house has sold, nearly. I got an offer a little less than I wanted but I took it. I saw the contract last night, I refused to sign. The buyers were making demands that would only cost me money that I really can't afford to spend. I felt like these people were pushing me, well that does not work with me. The real estate agent said I could lose the sale, so be it. I know I need to walk away from my home with no regrets about the sale. My house is all I have to sell to start again.
The Estate Agent rang today and the buyers agreed to my conditions. So the sale is happening, settlement has been set for 18th May, 7 weeks away. The contracts are sitting on my dining room table waiting for my signature. I read through them but can't put pen to paper. I want to sell, I want to go but I just felt really hesitant about signing them. My head and practical side tell me to sign but my heart hesitates. Why? This house has bad karma, I've said it before I know but it does. I have no happy memories of living in this place after 2005, none what so ever.
Signing the contract means I get to move away, start a fresh, my son comes back, my life will no longer be in a holding pattern. I am having doubts. I guess it is starting to hit home that I am actually going to do what I've been wanting to do for so long.
As I have been packing and cleaning (sort of) I found my journals from December 2006 onwards. I couldn't help it, I read them, some of the things I wrote, when things were really at their worst were shocking. But one thing that I saw about myself was I was always hopeful. It all feels so unreal now, a life time ago.
I deserve to be happy and content and I am in 80% of my life. I just need to sign those papers, move house and my unltimate goal - bring my son home. Only then will I be 100%.
I just needed to self talk tonight. I better get off my butt, get a pen and sign away!!